I was working on my book last week while talking to my friend Kat on Facebook, and as I was writing a chapter, I realized one of my favorite and most anticipated moments of the novel was coming up: the first kiss. I stopped typing for a moment, excited and scared at the same time, but soon dove in because it was my only choice other than quitting, which wasn’t really an option at all. I hadn’t realized the scene would appear so soon (some scenes I can see coming; others, not so much), and I got nervous, but reminded myself it had to be done sometime and that time was, apparently, now.
So I wrote.
And as I did my stomach got little butterflies and my heart sped up and I almost started crying at how happy I was. It was a scene that gave me warm fuzzies even though it’s only the first draft, and I want to make sure as I edit later on that I can translate those warm fuzzies for my readers. Believe me, I want everyone to feel as giddy and delighted when they read that scene as I did while writing it.
And I realized that these are the moments I write for. These are the moments I struggle through sentences and paragraphs and pages of junk to get to because I know these moments are worth it. Sure–I’ll probably change the scene in editing, but I don’t necessarily know how much. I am absolutely in love with this first draft version and all its flaws. Maybe this is the honeymoon period where I don’t see its problems yet, but I’m okay with that. This isn’t the time to pick it apart; this is the time to remember exactly why I do this and why I love it.
I write for this enthusiasm and feeling of accomplishment, and I write to share these feelings with readers later on in a way they can understand and appreciate. People always talk about how writing is a struggle, a real job, and a real pain the ass (and they aren’t wrong). You always hear about tortured writers, drunken writers–you never really hear about these moments of pride and accomplishment, aside from actually publishing. But that’s not the writing. That’s the end result, rather than the process.
I write for the beauty and the surprise of it and the honesty in scenes I create. I write to experience moments that resonate.