The Echoes of Activity

11.20.13 / living room at night

I feel like I’ve failed so much lately. I feel like I’m falling apart.

I’ve been trying for six months to put together a new issue of my perzine, scribbling out bits and pieces to include that I only end up crumpling and tossing into the trash. I’ve written maybe three thousand words of my novel all month; getting the words to come out–any words, good or bad–has been more painful than any teeth extraction I’ve ever sat through. With little more than work worth talking about, I can’t even find the inspiration to blog outside of my Friday posts. Mostly, I just spend my time reading and, when I have yarn, knitting. I have Christmas presents to start working on soon after I pick up some new needles and yarn. I’m reading my third book in two weeks, the fastest I’ve read any in a while. Those are my life on my days off, and no one wants to read redundant posts that say, “This is what I knit today. This is what I read today.” Once in a while, maybe, but not constantly.

I feel like I have nothing to do with myself. Nothing that feels productive anyway.

And I know everything I’m doing is positive–creating and reading and learning–even if it’s not much, but I just feel stuck, stagnant, stunted, like I’ve reached a hill I can’t climb over, worrying there’s nothing on the other side anyway. I feel like nothing is meaningful enough.


4 thoughts on “The Echoes of Activity

  1. I can completely relate. I’ve been trying to be productive while taking care of my daughter but I end up mostly feeling a little down by the end of the day and not wanting to get much day. The only posts I continue to strive on are my Monday Motivation quotes and somehow, I don’t even feel like they’re worth the hassle. I think it’s a matter of fighting the funk and perhaps doing something new. I signed up for 30 Lists this month and sure enough I’m feeling a little better about my crafts and writing and even graphic designs. I think when you do the same thing repeatedly or try too hard, you end up unsatisfied.

  2. Pingback: It’s Friday; I’m in Love #20 | Sonya Cheney

  3. I don’t know why, but the moment I found my motivation/inspiration was when I least expected it – after feeling down from school and work, the end of a relationship, and stressed and overwhelmed, I thought I’d just become stagnant. But somehow, I just found renewed vigor in ME. Once I stopped focusing on the outside things and how I felt within, it just clicked.

    I hope it clicks for you too ❤

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