I think–and maybe this is just an excuse; I always worry I’m making excuses–I think one reason why I’ve been having trouble blogging for the past few weeks is because I have a number of things I want to say and talk about, but I can’t always decide if I want to blog about them or save them for zines. I leave my zine so open-ended with what I write about that often when I come up with an idea to blog about, I think, “No, wait! That’s a good idea for my zine instead!” Then I end up hoarding these ideas and sometimes not even writing them at all. It’s that problem of saving things for the “perfect” moment instead of just doing/writing/making/using them. Of course, the logical part of me knows this is unproductive and probably some way of putting off actually doing something in case it doesn’t come out perfectly, but I still can’t seem to break the habit.
I don’t know how to separate and prioritize these two kinds of writing, because they’re both different and yet so similar in the way that I do them. I’ve never entirely gotten away from that LiveJournal approach of being personal and trying to be honest, so in a way my zine has become my LiveJournal (and in fact I’ve considered changing the name to my old LJ username), but at the same time I still have a blog, and I struggle to understand how to effectively separate the two. I just can’t bring myself to do too many, “X Reasons You Should Be Doing This In Your Life,” or, “How to Make XYZ,” or link up posts or anything, not because there’s anything wrong with those–I love to read them–but they’re just not my style. The problem is that my style often crosses over between my blogging and my zine writing, getting everything tangled up together in a way I can’t quite sort out all the time.
I just want to be able to articulate everything I want to say and to do it in the best way possible. But I get so caught up on “best” that it never gets done at all. It feels like just one more hurdle to overcome on top of every other struggle I have with writing.